Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
