well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
