I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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