I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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