3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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