Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Mom said you looked used
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
