Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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