just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Blood and glitter go together right?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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