Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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