she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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