Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
