I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
