dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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