I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
