How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
