More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
