Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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