i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
