I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Girls should come with a carfax report
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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