forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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