On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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