how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
