I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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