hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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