2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
