Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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