Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
