living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
