I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
