singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
