It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
