I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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