Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
