Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Im part way to drunk.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
