I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
