I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
