Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
