that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
