he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
