Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
