when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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