it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
