Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
