She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
