how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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