Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
