so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
