And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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