I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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