Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
