I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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